Visitation time always didn’t sit well with me.  Why does seeing your children have to be so problematic??  Why does it have to be a petty, BIG DEAL?  I thought it was pretty ridiculous to meet up at a designated location and do this sort of “swap/exchange” as if it’s some sort of illegal transaction.  Dealing with an ex & with kids has definitely been on a new level for me.

Here’s the back story…I moved away.  4.5 hrs away actually (before finding out I was pregnant).  So initially I made it convenient as the father could spend a night the few times he’s commuted…EVEN during an unexpected pop up -_- (Mathieu was the result of that visit).  But then in my earlier post, “A Repeat Offender–The Baby Daddy Myth” I had to lay the law down and cut that nonsense out.  You’re going to have to figure another way out to see your kids.

Well as it turned out, everytime I came to NY, that’s the only time he’s seen his kids.  Who’s wrong?  Who’s selfish?

Wherever I was at, he’ll make sure to see the kids for a few hrs as in-state was ALWAYS convenient.  Now we get to the dilemma: he wouldn’t disclose where he lived.  WHAT??  How as a parent you think it’s ok to allow your children to go with their other parent and NOT know any whereabouts?  Not even where the father lives??!!  NO.  It was this “secret”…to be petty and it’s really a BIG DEAL.  Not because I care about where you live, but ONLY because as a parent of minors, I need to know their whereabouts. Period.  Might I remind you pop-ups was something he did, NOT me.  The fact that I moved away is a CLEAR indicator that I’ve moved on…literally!! LOL

My only justification was that my oldest, at 3yrs, could report if anyone was mean to him…I took a chance.  But even the father said that “I know he wouldn’t do anything to harm them or put them in any bad situations”.  Who’s wrong? Who’s selfish?

The one time my kids were 6yrs and 5 yrs, I agreed to send them for a 2 wks holiday with their father.  It came down to “& where will they be staying?” I cancelled that visit and it was disappointing to know that a simple address stopped him from seeing his kids.  Who’s wrong?  Who’s selfish?

My kids were 9yrs & 7rys when I agreed to send them for a month with their dad for summer vacation.  He gave me “an address” (I didn’t bother to look it up) but I gave my sons’ cellphones so they could communicate with me.  He turned their phones off and periodically allowed them to contact me.  In his defense, I called too much.  Who’s wrong?  Who’s selfish?

As grown adults and having to compromise with petty behaviors can be a BIG DEAL because the kids aren’t being considered 1st.  Emotions and hidden feelings are STILL involved and things can be so much easier if that wasn’t true!!  It’s a challenge dealing with someone you used to be involved with who don’t have the same understanding as you do.  WHY ARE VISITATIONS SO HARD TO COMPREHEND??

Some might argue that I’m wrong and I’m selfish by not understanding the real inconvenience of visiting and building a relationship with your children who live in another state.  While on the other hand, the father is wrong and selfish for not simply providing an address so that he can have more time spent with his own children.  Also that it’s important for the parent who the children lives with and takes care of full-time, to know their whereabouts.  Legally, should anything happen…I’m to blame because I entrusted them to you.

The petty, BIG DEAL… IT’S SO TRIFLING!!  But not to worry, it gets better with time…RIGHT??!!  😉



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