I have strong beliefs now about remaining in power over self. This type of belief keeps you in check at all times, if not most. I’ve learned over the years that you can dictate so much with this type of power. In many situations, rather than give away your power and feel like things are out of your control, you can easily take another perspective and shift your thinking towards a more powerful place where you’re able to act. This type of “power control” makes you accountable for your actions. It also keeps you aware of the decisions you will make, have made, and what you will allow (yourself) to be affected by.
Here are some examples:
In a confrontation I once had at work, I remember having feelings of being defeated—my efforts were not working in my favor and it was very difficult to navigate all of the different levels to effectively prove my case. Not only that, the stress from the situation caused me to have a neck injury!! I ended up having low morale for my work environment and I mentally checked out. There were days I would feel so sick physically that I would show up late or decide in the parking lot that I just couldn’t do it! I couldn’t get out of my car to make it in the building and so I would go back home! On my drives, I wouldn’t listen to music but instead I would have Les Brown, TD Jakes, The Secret, anything that was personal development to change me on the inside. So I was already in conflict because there was this internal pull for me to do more and especially because I was struggling to become more at the same time. Well I had a moment one day because I was fed up and hated feeling powerless and stuck. There was a “reminder” in my head that told me…WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET? THIS ISSUE IS ALL RELATIVE TO THIS PLACE. NOTHING IS KEEPING YOU HERE EXCEPT YOU! In an instant, I regained my power over myself because I REALLY had control and was able to change if I didn’t like something/was causing toxicity in my life. From that point on, I regained my power and decided NOT TO ALLOW something so small to cause so much chaos in my life. Choose happiness because I only have one body, one life, and no one will protect that but me! I ended up separating but there was no fear of the unknown…it was a sense of FREEDOM!
I’m in a relationship and I became devastated by my ex who not only had an affair, but ended up impregnating the female in the process. He was 2-timing the both of us and initially I felt like I couldn’t do anything about it. I remember trying to work things out for my own selfish reasons but that left me more miserable, in pain, emotionally drained, my daily life was consumed by him and his actions, and ultimately had a strong dislike towards him. Also I did things because my emotions weren’t in check. Even landed me in jail. That was my ah ha moment! I learned that if you’re not in control and keep your power, you have now transferred it to SOMEONE and they’re making decisions for you to react to! Not only that, an even greater force of power will take over which is EVERYTHING THAT YOU DON’T WANT! The fact that I was fighting so hard responding to his actions, I became depressed, went from a size 6 to a 0, wasn’t eating, and yet and still I really didn’t want to be with him anymore. CRAZY!! It was just to stroke my ego that I can still “have him” when I wanted but I didn’t feel fulfilled or happy while with him anymore. Out of the blue I realized WHY AM I ENTERTAINING THIS MAN SO MUCH? I reflected on his character and it didn’t align with what I believed in about myself nor was he worthy of being in my presence! My power was back and I made the decision to change states for a fresh start on life and I was DONE with wanting a relationship with this man.
I’m getting evicted for the very 1st time out of my apartment. I felt helpless, pissed off, and stuck because I didn’t know “how” it happened. That seems to be the silly question to ask when there were signs leading up to being “blindsided”. How can I lose everything I’ve attained and only have $400 to my name?? I remember years ago witnessing another single mom evicted by the sheriff except she wasn’t there. In a matter of minutes, all of her possessions in her apartment were out on the curb and just as soon as that happened, her things were up for grabs and everything was gone! So I decided that I’m not going to just sit back and let that happen. Even though I couldn’t stop the eviction, I used what I had and got a U-haul, rented a 1br storage unit (& crammed 2 bedrooms worth of furniture), and called up an ex of mine that I haven’t spoken to in years to let me and my kids crash for a few days. I took accountability for my actions and made it happen to NOT BE EVICTED! I took control over what I could and therefore treated it like an EARLY MOVE OUT and that’s how it was documented! I cleaned the apartment and wasn’t upset with the rental agency because I understood it’s business! I also believed that this was supposed to happen for me to learn a valuable lesson! And again, the power was in my control because I acknowledged my shortcomings and not having a place wasn’t a permanent decision. It was just a temporary inconvenience and my power stayed with KNOWING it wasn’t going to last forever.
YOU CAN’T CONTROL WHAT HAPPENS, ONLY CONTROL HOW YOU RESPOND! & THAT’S WHERE YOUR POWER OF SELF GROWS AND STRENGTHENS!!